Soo Sun and Henry Get Married (26 April 2003)

Noto Bene

When I first put this up on the Internet, I didn't really have it ready for public consumption. I had a lot of details and names that I wanted to check and put it up so that I could have people proofread. Most importantly, I wasn't finished. As it turned out, partway through, I got sucked into a very busy time with regard to life changes--looking for a job--and left it alone. It would seem that people found their way here in the meantime.

I'm flattered, even moreso that I discovered at a nightclub in LA that complete strangers were finding the page. I hope you enjoy it, but if you've been here before, you may find that a few things have changed. I've finally been able to catch up a little bit and have fleshed out the rest of the details from the Korean ceremony onwards, which was where I left off last time.

In the meantime, I'm still looking for a job.

...or a wife with US citizenship.

[Ian, 2003.08.05]

Don't worry about the job. I got one.

I'm still looking for a wife with US citizenship, though.

[Ian, 2004.10.17]

Overview

On 26 April 2003, I attended the wedding of Soo Sun Choe and Henry Lee, two of my best friends. Due to their varied backgrounds, the simple phrase "attended the wedding" would turn out to be far more than one might expect: there were three ceremonies and two venues, ranging from a Quaker Meeting House in Santa Monica to a working ranch in Malibu. The day started around 8 a.m. and the last of us didn't get home until well after 3 a.m.

No matter what words I put to this, I know that it could never match the full whirlwind of emotions that carried myself, and I'm sure quite a few others, throughout this auspicious day. Still, I have to start somewhere, and I'll try to do it justice, for this story is surely one that needs to be told.

Originally, I had written a nice little summary for some other friends that I have on a mailing list, the origins of which are a little too long and convoluted to go into here. I was going to use that same summary for this page, but I realized that the photographs tended to spoil the flow. If it interests you, feel free to read the post.

A Little Background

Soo Sun and Henry are two of my best friends, and for those that know me, that's not something I say lightly. They're two of the best people you could ever meet, and I was lucky enough to meet Henry on my first day at Cornell University and Soo Sun that same school year, after the spring thaw.

Over the college years, what started as a small group became something larger, particularly during my Junior Year, when eleven people shared a house that had been vacated by a fraternity on suspension. The old Victorian stone house was one of three houses on The Knoll in Ithaca, NY. Technicalities aside, however, we still referred to our group as "The Knoll," though we've since pulled in a few others who didn't live in the house that were closely associated in one way or another. This was the basis of our core group in college and, while distance and time have set some of us adrift from one another, we can come back together and be as comfortable with each other as we were back then.

While Soo Sun and Henry met for the first time in 1994, it wasn't until 1995 that their relationship really began to flourish. The eight years that followed were probably not as smooth as they may have liked, but for everyone else around them, it seemed a foregone conclusion: Soo Sun and Henry would get married. It was just a matter of time.

Time put us at 26 April 2003, but like the bride and groom, why should the wedding be simple?

Henry comes from a Chinese ancestry. Soo Sun is of mixed blood, with her father Korean and her mother Oklahoman. Out of this combination of ethnicities and their personal philosophies toward life came the proposal for three ceremonies: a Quaker ceremony, a Korean ceremony, and a Chinese ceremony. The Quaker ceremony would be held in Santa Monica, while the other two would be held in Malibu.

The Quaker Ceremony

Before we get started...

My day began in Malibu, though not at the ranch. Soo Sun and Henry had generously arranged for lodging for visitors from out of town and for the past week or so, I had been living in a stately house built overlooking a canyon in Malibu. With me that night were Drew and Tammy, both part of The Knoll.

We had all been up past 1 a.m. the previous night washing porcelain teapots and teacups that were intended for use at the reception, so we were all a little short on sleep when we got up that morning. Since we also had to vacate the house--Soo Sun's relatives from Korea were going to stay in the house after the wedding while we relocated to a guest house in Santa Monica--and had to load all of the alcohol for the reception, we ran behind schedule enough that we had to ditch our plan to stop by Soo Sun and Henry's place to drop off supplies. Instead, we went straight to the Quaker Meeting House.

Things were chaotic, to say the least. Soo Sun and Henry were still not there when we arrived about 9:45, even though the ceremony was supposed to start at 10:00. Some frantic phone calls were made and I found myself in the middle of a Sprint PCS commercial. During one of the calls, Henry had asked me, "Find my mom and make sure she has the rings." That's what I heard. What he'd actually said was, "Find Na Young..." So, after freaking out Henry's mom for a few minutes and falling on seredipity, I was able to get the rings from Na Young and double-check on the marriage certificate as well. Everything was in place, except the bride and groom.

They arrived presently and with a little bit of anxiety and fussing, the wheels were set in motion to get the ceremony underway.

The ceremony was held in a bright and sunny room at the Santa Monica Meeting of Friends and it would have been hard indeed to not feel joyful with all the sunlight that graced us. The day was perfect.

		Left: The sign outside the Quaker Meeting House in Santa Monica, where the ceremony was held. Right: Pink roses that Soo Sun's mother had bought that morning at a farmer's market in Santa Monica.
		Left: Soo Sun, looking anxious before the ceremony. Right: Henry, getting a few last adjustments before the ceremony, courtesy of his mother.

The Vows, Ring Exchange, and Signing of the Marriage Certificate

Having been to five weddings, all civil ones, I've been spared some of the pomp and circumstance of church weddings, but by and large, they follow the same kind of format. There are two processions, the giving away of the bride, some blah blah blah, the oaths, kissing, signing of the marriage licence, and maybe some readings or candle lightings and music thrown in.

The Quaker wedding ceremony was a refreshing change.

In the tradition of the Quakers, it wasn't the officiant marrying the bride and groom for us, but the bride and groom marrying themselves with the guests, and this was reflected in the guests signing the marriage certificate at the end of the ceremony.

Before that, however, we started with a quick introduction from Grant, the facilitator, and then had a few minutes of silent meditation and reflection. That led to the exchanging of the vows and the signing of the marriage certificate.

		Left: Grant, leading the beginning of the ceremony. Right: The guests.
		Left: A few minutes of meditation. Right: Clasping hands to say their vows.
		Left: Henry, getting choked up while saying his vows. Right: Exchanging of the vows.
		Left: Signing the marriage certificate. Right: The marriage certificate.

The vows, ring exchange, and certificate signing were over in a matter of minutes, although the exchanging of the vows slowed down a little as Henry was overcome with emotion while speaking his, which is stark contrast to his usually stoic demeanor. This was all that was necessary, technically, but the Quakers are very interested in sharing, which was something I observed at the previous week's Meeting that I attended. The wedding would be no different, and there was a period of sharing and testimonials where everyone was invited to speak of the newlyweds. What should have been just half an hour of testimonials turned out to be a lot more.

Testimonials

Many people stood to speak and what an eye opener it was! Up till the wedding day, I had my own little window on Soo Sun and Henry's world, but sitting in that sun-drenched room that day, I heard stories from family and friends that suddenly painted their lives in a far richer tableau. From parents and relatives, we heard of youthful thirsts for learning with early experiments on rotting bananas. From college classmates, we heard stories that... well, that I had lived through. From their friends and Friends now, we heard about their lives in the post-college years and how their activism affected the people around them. It was incredibly touching, to say the least, for it brought me to tears several times.

		Left: Soo Sun's father, Woomyoung, testifies. Right: Soo Sun and Henry's reaction.
		Left: Doctor Yu testifies. Right: Soo Sun's aunt, Harriett, testifies.
		Left: A Friend, JoAnn, testifies. Right: Drew testifies.
		Left: Soo Sun and Henry's reaction. Right: Soo Sun's uncle, Bob, testifies. He began his speech with, "Bananas. I'd like to talk to you about bananas."
		Left: A Friend, Javaughn, testifies, while Claire looks on. Right: The oldest Friend in the Meeting, Esther, testifies.
		Left: Soo Sun's mother, Nova, testifies. Right: Henry's mother, Rita, testifies.
		Left: Soo Sun and Henry's reaction. Right: Soo Sun's cousin, Gemma, testifies.
		Left: Rajiv testifies. Right: Ian testifies.
		Left: Soo Sun and Henry's reaction. Right: Others' reaction.
		Left: Soo Sun's Gomobu testifies. Right: Neil testifies, after the circle had already been formed.

"Ian, you made everybody cry," is what I was told at the end of the testimonials and for the life of me, I can't quite remember what I said. There were a few bits and pieces that I remember, my mind having such a short attention span that it even chopped up my own words into sound bites. I think I recall far better what I was feeling at the time.

It was intense, more intense than I've really recalled feeling. While I think I was happy, I couldn't keep myself from crying, which either spoiled or empowered what I had to say. I thought I'd be cool and composed, but I ended up being a blathering wreck. Whatever it was, I think it came out right, but I didn't realise it until I had sat down and they began passing tissues around.

Introductions and Refreshments

Following the testimonials, the guests all gathered and linked hands in unity, and introduced themselves, so that we would all know who everyone else was. Some were family, some were high school or college friends. Some were Friends, fellow Quakers, though most of Soo Sun and Henry's other friends were not present, since they were up at the ranch preparing for the latter two ceremonies.

With introductions concluded, the ceremony was also concluded, and we were all invited to sign the marriage certificate and mingle and partake in refreshments that had been set out on the patio.

		Left: The formation of the circle, where everyone joined hands and introduced themselves. Right: The circle.
		Left: Jeannie and David in the circle. Right: Ann and Joe Sutton in the circle.
		Left: Juliet and Soo Sun hugging after the ceremony. Right: Soo Sun's stepsister, Daisy, and Soo Sun hugging after the ceremony. Henry and Jarvis look on.
		Left: Ian, signing the marriage certificate. Everyone who attended was encouraged to sign the certificate. Right: Refreshments on the patio.
		Left: Sooho with strawberries. Sooho loves strawberries. Right: Bob and Nova, speaking with Heather. Heather had translated into Korean for the non-English speakers during the ceremony.
		Left: Woomyoung, holding court. Right: Na Young, Rajiv, Juliet, Drew, and Una conversing.
		Left: Kai and Aaron on the patio. Right: Soo Sun and Henry, getting a little bit to eat.
		Left: Drew, anguishing over what to eat. Right: Henry, being congratulated.

Photographs

Of course, what would a wedding be without photographs? The photographers, David and his girlfriend, had been circulating about all morning, snapping all of the pictures that are seen on this page. When people had begun to have their fill of the refreshments and were just chatting about, we were gathered for group photos.

		Group photograph of almost everyone that attended the ceremony. This single picture started off as four individual pictures that were taken with a lens that had a bit of a fisheye to it. Let me tell you, it is not at all easy to try to piece together photos with people in them. It's nothing like piecing together landscapes. If you can figure out where I made the editing cuts, you'll get a prize. Oh, and someday, maybe I'll be able to identify all of the people in this picture.
		Left: (front, l-r) Na Young, Tammy, Henry, Soo Sun, Sue (middle, l-r) Juliet, Rajiv, Una, Ian, Drew (back, l-r) Cesare, Kai. This group is pretty much the bulk of The Knoll, with the addition of Cesare, a high school friend of Henry's. Right: (front, l-r) Na Young, Tammy, Una, Henry, Soo Sun, Sue, Neil (back, l-r) Juliet, Rajiv, Cesare, Kai, Ian, Drew, Mohan. This group is also pretty much the bulk of The Knoll, though Cesare and Mohan, a high school friend of Soo Sun's, are also in the picture. This photo was doctored a little. The original one had me wearing my name tag on my forehead.
		Left: "Relatives" (children, l-r) Jiwoong, Jiho, Hannah, Seungyeon, ?, Sooho (front, l-r) Henry, Soo Sun, Youngjin, Eunyoung, Gemma (back, l-r) Sungwon, Woomyoung, Rita, Nova, Jarvis, Daisy, Aaron, Soo Sun's Gomo Right: A somewhat candid shot of Soo Sun and Henry in an unnecessary closeup.
		Left: A candid shot of Soo Sun and Henry in an even more unnecessary closeup. Right: A candid shot of Ian, squeezing in where he doesn't belong.
		Left: A candid shot of Soo Sun and Sue, smiling for David, who was standing atop a table for higher-angled group photos. Right: A candid shot of Henry and Soo Sun, smiling for David, who was standing atop a table for higher-angled group photos.

Interlude

By the time photographs were done, were getting close to 1 p.m. and we had to get moving on to the ranch. The issue, of course, would be traffic. The drive is about an hour on a good day, but this would be on a gorgeous Saturday, which meant that it would be worse.

Indeed, it was. Previously, we had driven via the interstates but it was not to be this afternoon. I was actually in one of the last cars to go, owing to a pit stop to clear out the van so that I could take on more passengers, so I got word from some of the others that the interstates were packed and took the Pacific Coast Highway instead.

The drive up the PCH wasn't much faster, but at least the traffic was moving and it was far more scenic, including a drive-by of Pepperdine University while some kind of event was being held. Kai and Una were with me on the drive and the conversation got interesting and deeply philosophical at some points. This is typical of a conversation with others of The Knoll, of course. We rarely dabble in small talk for long.

All in all, we had to consider ourselves lucky for the amount of time it took for us to get up to the ranch. We fared far better than some of the others.

Saddlerock Ranch is a working ranch that is also rents out portions of its estate for functions, like weddings. The afternoon ceremonies and the reception were to be held outdoors the sprawling lawns beside a huge ranch house that was a home to the owners of the ranch. We were given access to a "cabana" to use as necessary.

Now, to me, a cabana sound slike a fairly simple building, maybe something like a shack or a shed, that you would find near a beach. Maybe my impression of the meaning of the word is completely off. The "cabana" that we got to use was like a small house in itself. There was a full bathroom, with Jacuzzi, a large living room, a kitchen, and fully furnished bedrooms that were reached by climbing up ladders made from unfinished tree branches. The bedrooms looked like they might have belonged to the ranch owners' children or something.

Anyway, we were there by about 2:00 or 2:30, which gave us a little breathing time before guests were expected to arrive between 3:30 and 4:00 for the pre-ceremony reception. We all relaxed for a little bit and enjoyed some drinks while the caterers continued to set up.

And then the shit hit the fan.

Although we had appetizers for the afternoon, it was discovered that we had no utensils, which resulted in a quick run--it was a half hour each way, down and up winding mountain roads--to the supermarket with Na Young. We snuck a little food in along the way and came back.

By this time, people were starting to get into their traditional garb in preparation for the Korean ceremony. This was a challenge in itself, since I had never worn anything like it before. Some things were fairly easy to figure out, like the knickers and the pants. The undershirt and overshirt, though, I had no idea how to deal with them. Putting my arms through the sleeves and pulling it up where it needed to be was simple enough, but the undershirt had extra long straps that had to be tied in a certain way and the overshirt had fasteners that were like weights on the ends of short lengths of cord. Guess who didn't know the proper way of doing up either. Fortunately, there were a lot of nice Korean ladies around to help out.

Right about the time I resolved my clothing issues and found my ducks, I ran into the bartender, James and his assistant, who was cute and whose name I've forgotten. I'd like to say it was Jennifer, but there are better odds in Vegas. At any rate, James and I had been having a running conversation throughout the week regarding his alcohol requirements for the event. More accurately, we were playing a game of Telephone through some other people where he did the specifying and Henry and I did the buying.

Ultimately, James said he didn't have enough and wrote out a whole new list of stuff that he would need to supplement what was already bought. The only problem was that it was getting dangerously close to the time when the ceremony was supposed to start. Some running around to find an appropriate sucker to make the errand ensued and it wasn't surprising that there weren't any takers. Luckily, the bartender and his assistant came up at that point and said they'd need to get dinner and would be back later to tend bar after the ceremonies had concluded. So I sent them out to get their own liquor.

Now, remember how I mentioned that we had fared better than some when it came to traffic? The guys that it affected most were the lion dancers that were supposed to be present for the Chinese ceremony. Since the Korean and Chinese ceremonies were linked, in that one would flow into the other, we couldn't start the former without having all the pieces in place for the latter.

The lions were over an hour late.

As soon as they got in and were unloaded, though, a few last details were worked out with the Korean drummers and we were off and running. The planned 4:30 start ended up being a 5:30 start. That's "Korean Time" or "Chinese Time" for you, as the joke goes.

		Left: The venue for the Korean and Chinese ceremonies, still not completely set up. Right: The venue from a different angle, now with a screen and altar added for the Korean ceremony. A rainbow coloured length of cloth--a really long length of cloth--called a sekdong, brought from Korea by Tammy, was laid down in the aisle that the bride and groom would walk up.
		Left: Henry and Soo Sun, making changes to the guest seating list which they ultimately tossed anyway and declared open seating. This worked out surprisingly well. Right: Henry and Soo Sun taking a stroll before things really got crazy.
		Left: Soo Sun's relatives, amusing themselves. Right: Two extremes, the child and the elder, both Soo Sun's relatives from her dad's side.

The Korean Ceremony

While the Quaker ceremony was refreshing for departing from the traditional, the Korean and Chinese ceremonies were traditional, though departing from the Western norm for entirely different reasons. The first of the two had a script that was followed, including narration by the MC, Yongbin, explaining each of the steps for the gathered audience. This is sort of how it went.

An altar was arranged with all of the necessary items and oriented so that the groom would sit to the east and the bride to the west. I'm not sure what this signifies, but that's the way it was set up. An aisle split the seats and along it was laid a very colourful banner for the bride and groom to walk up, past the guests, to the altar.

The ceremony was started by the Korean drummers, who drummed by the ceremony area to draw the guests to it like the Pied Piper. The performance was a fairly long one and included participation of the guests as they came in from the various points where they could have wandered during the extended cocktail hour.

When the guests were seated, the drummers came back up to the cabana where the wedding party had assembled and half led the groom's procession down to the altar. The procession, of which I was part, was comprised of two Cho Rong Dong (bearers of the Chung Sa Cho Rong, or paper lamps, who are usually children, the Kiruk A Bi (me, the bearer of the ducks), and Henry, the Groom, for which I have no Korean title.

Let me back up a moment. When I was first approached about being in the wedding party months earlier, a palanquin was mentioned, which I will talk about later. At the time, I was asked to be a bearer for the palanquin which I thought was cool. Later, I started hearing something that sounded like I would be carrying a "duk," which I had assumed was the proper name for the palanquin in Korean.

It wasn't until I got to LA that I realised my error. I hadn't been asked to carry a "duk;" I had been asked to carry ducks. A part of me was chagrined, because I thought carrying the palanquin would have been fun. It wasn't until the first wedding rehearsal two days before the wedding that I learned of the significance of the ducks.

The ducks are a pair of wooden ducks. For those who may be hunters out there, these ducks are nothing like decoys. They were carved in a more simplistic fashion and painted colourfully with all of the primary colours and then a few more. The ducks represented the bride and the groom, the former signified by a ribbon. They are meant for luck and the bearer would bring them and the groom to the bottom of the aisle, where he would give the ducks to the groom along with some words of advice or inspiration, like the father of the bride might at a Western wedding. The groom would then take the ducks up the aisle and present them to the bride's mother, and they were then set on the altar during the ceremony.

Somewhere in there, I had become the equivalent of the "best man" without realising it.

Back to the wedding day, the procession came down to the bottom of the aisle and, as expected, I handed the ducks to Henry, careful to do it in exactly the way described so as not to spoil the good fortune of the event. These were the words that I gave Henry before he walked up the aisle: "In a few moments, a very special woman will be following you up this aisle. Cherish her, love her, and we'll see if we still fit in these hanboks in fifty years."

Henry went up the aisle and presented the ducks, as noted earlier, and took his seat on the east side of the altar. At this point my duties were done, so I joined the audience to watch the bride's procession.

Soo Sun was carried in the palanquin by four bearers, with a bit of a silk banner hanging outside to signify her presence. The palanquin, the focus of the procession, was preceded by the other half of the poongmool drummers, a pair of Chong Sa Cho Rong (children with paper lamps), and followed by two handmaidens who would assist her during the ceremony.

The assistance of the handmaidens was crucial, particularly because there was a lot of bowing in the ceremony and there was a certain way that the bride had to do it which was made more difficult by her dress. The icing on the cake, though, was that she had to keep her arms raised throughout the ceremony with a silk banner--the one mentioned earlier--draped over them to hide her view of the groom throughout the ceremony, until they were married.

Soo Sun emerged from her palanquin and came up the aisle between two rows of drummers and took her place on the west side of the altar. The drummers would fade into the background and present a soft, but steady, beat throughout the ceremony.

The Handwashing began the portion of the ceremony at the altar and was done by both bride and groom to signify their entering the marriage with a clean and chaste body and spirit. This was followed by the bride and groom bowing to each other, showing the respect they hold for one another and their intention to start a healthy life together from the ground up.

Next a series of three drinks were poured, each with its own symbolic meaning. The first was poured by the bride and brought to the groom. He bows politely and accepts it and sips it, then sends it back to the bride, who finishes the rest of it. This bonded them together as husband and wife.

The second drink implied harmony between the couple, and this time it was the groom that poured the drink and sent it to the bride for a sip. It was then returned for him to finish the glass. The third drink was poured into the two halves of a gourd, symbolizing the uniqueness of the pairing of the bride and groom. The gourd halves were joined together by red and blue ribbons, further emphasizing the unity. In this case, they each poured the drink--it was rice wine, for those curious as to what was in the decanters--sipped it, and sent it to the other to finish the drink.

At this point, bride and groom were considered to be united, and an elder was invited up to the microphone to announce the union to the guests, the world, and most importantly, to Heaven. The announcement was previously written, and a big deal was made of acquiring it during the week leading up to the wedding. Alas, it was in Korean, so I understood very little of it (actually, none), but it was chanted up in a very interesting cadence.

With their marriage announced, the couple came forward to thank the guests that had witnessed their marriage. Starting with the groom's family and then the bride's family, they bowed deeply to each, showing their lasting respect. Then, they bowed to the guests in gratitude and pledge to not deviate from expectations. Of course, we each have different expectations, don't we?

Lastly, they took their first step together, crushing a gourd for good luck. It was then the duty of the husband to take the bride on his back and carry her away.

[The script for the ceremony is available.]

		Left: Ian and Henry in hanboks. Right: Palanquin bearers--Kiwon, Dwayne, Drew, and Hanjin--having a moment to goof off before the real work began.
		Left: Kicking it off, Seungil Hyung leads the Korean poongmool drummers in a rousing chorus, calling the guests to the ceremony area. Right: Korean poongmool drummers.
		Left: Korean poongmool drummers. Right: The palanquin, with, Soo Sun inside, makes its way down to the ceremony area. Alas, the photographers were a little distracted and didn't get very many photos of the brides procession and practically none of the groom's procession that had preceded it.
		Left: Soo Sun's relatives, from left to right: Nova (mother), Jarvis (stepfather), Woomyoung (father), Harriett (aunt), Ann (aunt). Right: The ducks that I carried in the ceremony.
		Left: Soo Sun, with Henry in the foreground, facing each other over the altar. Right: Soo Sun, behind the silk banner that she had to use to shield her view of the groom until they were married.
		Left: Soo Sun, behind her silk banner. Right: Detail of Soo Sun's headdress.
		Left: At the beginning of the ceremony, each washed their hands. Right: Tea service was presented twice, once with Henry pouring and exchanging the drink, and once with Soo Sun pouring and exchanging the drink.
		Left: After the tea pouring, another drink was served in a gourd where each would pour, the gourds exchanged, and both would drink. Right: A doctor came up to read a declaration to the heavens, announcing the union of Soo Sun and Henry. I have no idea what the Korean text means and no translation was available at the time, so I can only guess that it was cool.
		Left: Now husband and wife, the new couple bow to each set of their parents, and then bow to all of the guests, honouring them for coming to their wedding. Right: Husband and wife take their first step in their new marriage together, crushing a half-gourd.
		Left: The husband carries the wife away on his back. Right: Obviously not with a straight face.

And that was it, for the Korean ceremony at least. The Korean poongmool drummers to perform and then segue to the Chinese drummer, Jeff Chan, to lead into the Chinese ceremony. I didn't see any of this. As the Korean drummers kicked into their routine, Drew and I raced back to the cabana to change, as did Henry and Soo Sun. We all had different costumes to wear for the next ceremony.

The Chinese Ceremony

The Chinese tea ceremony was very subdued and not nearly as elaborate as the Korean ceremony had been. I suppose it probably suffered a bit in comparison as it lacked the explanation and narrative that had accompanied the prior ceremony to explain the various practices and their symbolism. Not being particularly knowledgeable about these things myself--I'm a banana, after all--I felt like there was something more that might've been gained here.

On the other hand, from what I know, the concept is quite simple: the bride and groom pour tea and offer it to their elders in respect and for their blessing in the marriage. This simple concept would be repeated many times, including each relative of elder generations. Once the tea was offered and accepted, the honouree would give advice to the bride and groom and give gifts as well, mostly in the form of "lucky money" (those ubiquitous red envelopes). Henry's mother, in addition to the lucky money, also gave jewelry for the bride and groom. I'm not sure if this is traditionally symbolic or something else.

Altogether, Soo Sun and Henry poured and served, with the assistance of Tammy and Na Young, about eighteen to twenty cups of tea.

		Left: The procession for the Chinese ceremony was far simpler. Henry and Soo Sun both came out at the same time. I was in front, dressed in an emperor's robes. Drew followed with the Double Happiness banner. Right: Soo Sun, taking a peek at something.
		Left: Soo Sun and Henry, kneeling in preparation for the tea ceremony. Right: The tea service, prepared by Tammy and delivered to Henry and Soo Sun by Na Young.
		Left: Henry's mother, Rita, was served first. She was also served second, for she also represented the relatives on Henry's side of the family that could not come. Right: Lucky money was given to the newlyweds.
		Left: More lucky money was given to the newlyweds. Jewelry gifts were also given to both husband and wife. Right: Next, Soo Sun's father, Woomyoung, was served. Each person that came up was served tea, gave a few words of advice, and gave lucky money, as was customary.
		Left: Soo Sun's stepfather, Jarvis, was served. Right: Soo Sun's mother, Nova, was served.
		Left: Tea service from a different angle, this time for Soo Sun's aunt, Harriett. Many others were also served tea, including other aunts and uncles of Soo Sun's. Right: When all of the tea service was done, lion dancers came to bless the marriage.

When the tea service was done, the ceremony switched from a respectfully somber tone to the raucously noisy and joyous when the lions arrived. The Immortals were present with two lions, plus a baby lion, to perform traditional Chinese lion dancing to close off the ceremony. This is particularly auspicious as the lions are symbols of luck, chasing away any negative spirits and bringing in the good.

The group is led by Jeff Chan, who has been doing this kind of thing for decades for weddings, grand openings, parties, and lunar new years, not to mention the occasional appearance on TV or film, like The Replacement Killers and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I had the pleasure of meeting Jeff earlier in the week at a rehearsal in his cul-de-sac in Monterey Park and he is incredibly affable and loves to share his past experiences. If I ever get the chance to stay in the area for an appreciable amount of time, I'd love to join up with his group to learn.

No amount of description can really convey what it's like to watch a lion dancing performance, nor is there a way to truly do the Korean poongmool performance justice in words. It's something that simply has to be experienced, preferably in person, where you can feel the beat of the drums vibrating in the core of your body and shaking your soul awake. The lions--extravagantly decorated paper mache "heads" with fabric trains to represent the body, manned by two dancers--came alive and moved through the guests like cats, played with them, scaring some of the smaller children, and played with each other, all guided by a smiling buddha.

Up at the front, the bride and groom held a stick with faux firecrackers and lettuce. In this pastiche, the firecrackers--in the past, they would have been real and lit off, before the danger of explosives in the hands of commoners put an end to the practice in the US--would have warded off the negative spirits as the lions bearing good fortune would have been lured by the lettuce. Thus, the two lions danced around the bride and groom, trying to reach their prize, but the newlyweds were not easily swayed to give up the prize so easily.

Thus, the lions had to perform tricks to please the newlyweds in order to earn their prize. When the newlyweds turned out to be even more demanding, the lions grew impatient and chased after them, spinning them about in laughter until they finally lowered the rod enough for them to claim the lettuce. As expected, they "chewed" it up and the bits of lettuce were throw back out to the audience, spreading about the luck.

		Left: A second lion. Right: A baby lion, danced by the child of one of the other lion dancers.
		Left: The musicians drew up the rear of the procession of lions that came down to the ceremony area. Jeff Chang, the leader, is the one in black. Right: Soo Sun and Henry, holding a rod with faux firecrackers and lettuce affixed to the end.
		Left: Soo Sun and Henry tease the lions with the prize on the end of their rod, making them do tricks to earn it. Right: Growing impatient, the lions decide to try to bully the newlyweds, but it didn't work. Well, for awhile at least. They eventually dropped the stick and the lions were able to claim their prize.

In the end, the lions paid their respectful bows to the newlyweds and led the guests over to the reception area. The denouement from the ceremonies blended and overlapped with the beginning of the reception, which got underway in earnest after photos were taken. A buffet style dinner was served with open seating, allowing people to easily trade seats and mingle or clump together in their personal groups as they felt comfortable. Not great for intentional attempts at matchmaking on the part of the wedding planners, but who's keeping score?

		Left: A group picture, after the ceremony. Right: Soo Sun and Henry, holding hands in front of the Double Happiness banner. This is probably my favourite image of the lot, but I'm biased.
		Left: Rajiv, demanding his alcohol, while dressed-down drummers and Mohan wait. Right: The wedding cake.
		Left: The wedding cake. Right: Lanterns at dusk.

The Reception

Even after watching the wedding video for the reception, I'm still not sure of the order of everything, but it definitely continued the theme of participation established that morning at the Quaker ceremony.

For those whose experience is primarily or exclusively "traditional" Western weddings, I suppose there was a lot of departure from expectations. Rather than poetry readings or solo singers, the performances were more folksy, with guitars and large groups. Two songs were performed by Mindullae and ?, in addition to a poetry reading by the Bus Riders Union, which was preceded by a very heartfelt and enthusiastic testimonial by an elderly grandmother who was so energized by everything she had seen that day. There was also a presentation of traditional Korean dance and a slideshow made by Sarah, showcasing Soo Sun and Henry's lives from their early childhoods to the current day.

Not to be diminished by its absence from mention until now, there were also testimonials, much like the kind at the Quaker wedding in the morning. There was an open microphone where people could come up and express their sentiments of the day and the bride and groom.

Chronologically, the slideshow had actually come last, so right after that, we had the First Dance, complete with Henry with rose clasped in his mouth and a Foxtrot. While the dance may not have been technically perfect, it was clear that the newlyweds were having a lot of fun on the floor and lost themselves in each other from time to time, as if they were the only ones under the moonlight and glow of lanterns on the ranch in Malibu.

They split, partway through the song, and gathered mother and father as appropriate to dance to the conclusion. The rest of the night was filled with dancing and reminiscing, until it was time to leave.

After the Reception

It's funny how you can find something special even in an activity that would normally have earned disgust. Most weddings end when the DJ closes up the dancefloor and people filter out, but for many of us that stayed to the end, there was more to come. By this time it was already pretty late, past 11 p.m. I'm sure, so we had all had very full days.

As people were filtering out, and thankfully the parents and elder generations had pretty much departed for the night, leaving the 20 to 30-somethings behind, it was discovered that some of the hired help had shirked their duties. Primarily, trash that should have been cleared away was still on site, and the place had to be restored to cleanliness for another event the following day.

It's a testament to the bonds of friendship that those that were still at the ranch all pitched in to help clear everything out, hauling trash while still wearing their evening finery, sometimes even getting into the gunk with our bare hands. In the end, it would be 2 a.m. before the last of it was dealt with and we finally got in our cars and went home for the night.

The joke may go that friends help you move while true friends help you move bodies, but I think a far more realistic depiction of true friendship was displayed that night, in the dark, without fanfare, when the guests showed how much the bride and groom really meant to them in ways that could never be recognized except in heartfelt gratitude.

Wrapping Up

As it was mentioned during Curtis' (a Quaker Friend) speech at the reception, the people gathered at the event were incredibly diverse, coming from so many different cultures and countries to attend. I agree. I have never seen such a diverse representation of the spectrum of human experience. There were the incredibly young and the incredibly experienced. There were people who barely spoke English or none at all, here from Korea. There were activists. There were college and high school friends. There was a guest that had met the bride only once and the groom none at all before that day, but who still gave a very humourous and touching speech about how special the two were, even from such brief encounters.

It takes two truly remarkable individuals to be able to bring so many different people in harmony and celebration. I am eternally grateful that I had the chance to experience such a tremendous event and to express how I felt about the two wondrous people with their hands clasped together in the spotlight.

Long life and prosperity in all your endeavours, Soo Sun and Henry. You are a tremendous blessing to this Earth.

Crouching Tiger Hidden Beaver

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