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March 11, 2002
The Very Secret Diary* of s.a.mwise** Gamgee
Day One
Ate half a mushroom mushroom I found. Flew 8000 miles. Ended up in a land of hobbits.
Day Two
Climbed up a mountain. No snow. V. good. Saw a lot more hobbits.
Day Three
Trekked from cave to cave. Killed 6 pigs. Hobbits everywhere. Starting to look kind of appealing.
Day Four
Got sick. Not sure why. Think it was Pippin's second breakfast. V. bad. Had to clean shorts.
Day Five
Still sick. What do these hobbits eat? Sight of hobbits makes me sick. Except Frodo. He has a cool ring. Think Aragorn is jealous of Frodo. Keeps looking at him funny.
Day Six
Saw some hobbits get married. It was weird. Thought there'd be more... something. Then again, hobbits are small.
Day Seven
Went to Bilbo's birthday party. So much food! So many hobbits. Oh, so many hobbits. Why hobbits?
Day Eight
After party, went riding out to the big lake. Took a long boat ride. Hobbits didn't paddle. Have blisters on hands. Rowing hurt, too. Aragorn really wanted Frodo in his boat. Sam went with them.
Day Nine
After boat ride, lots of walking. I hate walking. I want a horse.
Day Ten
Found a big flat plain. Had to walk across it. At least it was flat. Found a castle on the other side. Went inside, but it was filled with hobbits. Thought hobbits didn't like castles.
Day Eleven
Walked through Moria. Nothing there. Nothing nothing nothing. Some dead people. Not exciting at all. Then had to climb another mountain. All this walking is killing me.
Day Twelve
Still no horse. Still more walking. Saw Aragorn sneaking off with Frodo again.
Day Thirteen
Walked through a cemetary. V. spooky. All stones looked the same. Some graves looked open. All Elves' graves. V. weird. Saw man in white robe with long hair on mountaintop. Not attractive.
Day Fourteen
Finally got to eat again. Ate so much I felt like I would burst. Nice to lay around all full, though. Hobbits know how to eat. Still not trying to think of Frodo and Aragorn.
Day Fifteen
Sam got mad today. Told him Aragorn was sleeping with Frodo to keep him warm at night. V. funny watching hobbit chase man with pot.
Day Sixteen
Found some horses. Make it easier to go to Mordor. Not sure why we go to Mordor. Nothing but more mountains and more hotter. Would rather go to sunny beach. Sunny beach Morgooder.
Day Seventeen
Hobbits have weird tastes in vacation spots. Frodo wants to go to Mordor and throw away his ring. Why? He looks so cute with it! Silly hobbit.
Day Eighteen
Still going to Mordor. Couldn't convince them that Morgooder is better. Least we have horses.
Day Nineteen
Horses getting tired. Haven't had anything to eat in days. Hobbits looking kinda tasty. Maybe with ponzu sauce. Have sharp knife, can make sashimi.
Day Twenty
Got really hungry. Had to eat the horses. Hobbits wanted noodles.
Day Twenty-One
Getting hungry again. Haven't eaten since yesterday. No more horses. Had to walk.
Day Twenty-Two
Found the other half of the mushroom in my pocket. Ate it. Flew another 8000 miles. Ended up in... Kansas? V. bad. No more hobbits, at least.
*Very Secret Diaries courtesy of Cassandra Claire. If you want to see the t-shirts, go to the main page.
**s.a.m is the acronomenclature for secret asIAN man.
Posted by KinCross at March 11, 2002 07:21 AM